Can’t find what you want in life? Is it because you’re not really looking for it.?Whether it’s a better job, partner, friends, or any other variable. You will find exactly what you are looking for.“But I swear I’m looking for a partner that will treat me like I want to be treated.” I hear you say. Now stop and think about it, are you actually looking for that person or just wishing and hoping they come into your life? We have all heard our friends or even ourselves say “why are all men/women arseholes/psychos?” “All the good ones are taken.”My research with clients suggests that their is a definite pattern when if comes to people not finding the relationship they want.That pattern is that we aren’t actually attracted to the things we want. Wait?!We have been raised in a social construct of “set realistic goals” “you’ll never get them so don’t try” “go with what you know” “you don’t deserve them”.“In that case, what an I attracted too?” Great question.Our brain is trained to look for what is familiar and what we understand, but why? Because understanding and the familiar is safe. Your brain knows what is coming and how to react to it from previous experiences.Change your parameters, change your outcome. When you decide you want to create the change in what partner you want, proceed with caution when you come across the familiar, ask yourself why it’s familiar, what traits does this person exhibit that your ex’s did as well. That’s your red flag. Look for the characteristics that you truly want, not what makes your ego comfortable.Be conscious in your search for what you want not what you’ve had.